I’ve been clean for years but god it’s been a while since I’ve wanted to cut this badly my brain just creates these scenarios where it’s a good thing I’m dead because brendan can find someone better and more deserving of him and I don’t really contribute anything to the world anyway so really what is anyone losing with my death and wouldn’t it be such a pity if you lived only to become washed up and useless in your twenties and I can’t shake it because if I died or disappeared who’d even know? Who’d even care? No one on campus would no one from Korea would. Anyone who’d care if they found out probably wouldn’t hear anyway. Brendan wouldn’t know he’d just worry about me and then say he’s done with me and that he’ll talk to me some other time

Why can’t I just die already