idk why but while reading Kitchen for japanese i can’t stop thinking about the time when brendan and i went to watch christopher robin together and for a single moment i felt so alone because there was a couple in front of us, about our age, being super affectionate, like not in the trashy way but holding hands and she was leaning her head against his shoulder and brendan and i were just standing quietly close to each other, like the only reason it wasn’t awkward was ‘cause at the time we didn’t think it was, but i felt so alone in that moment

and then we walked into the movie and sat down and brendan just,,, grabbed onto my hand? and i mean we let go whenever one of us needed to drink but barring those few seconds we spent the entire time holding hands and it was so nice

but i’m reading kitchen and for some reason like it’s not even related but one of the quotes on the first page just makes me remember this exact moment? and it just,,, hits me really hard